Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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