just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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