We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
