porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My dick has a subreddit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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