you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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