As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
