The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if only i could text you this smell
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
