I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's just like the Real World with babies
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
