did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
