can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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