i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
