You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
