If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
