Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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