Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize