Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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