I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
