you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
