dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
