can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
