I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wish there were birth control emojis
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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