I puked a lego.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
