remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
