I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
