there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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