Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
