the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
