Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
