i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
