sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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