I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
