Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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