jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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