did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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