Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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