Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
