youre lurking in front of me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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