Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
