we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
