you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
