4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
