Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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