in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
