babies were throwing up all over the place
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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