He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
