I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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