it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
