You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
