Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize