Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
