Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't turn off my feet"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
