I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
