bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
