fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
