you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
