you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
