omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
