so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
