bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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