her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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