You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
