Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
