He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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