So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
