I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
