I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
