I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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