Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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