At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
