Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
