Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
