hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
