he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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