cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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