when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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