ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
