I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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