Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
