So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
