apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
