She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
