there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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