yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
