i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
