first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
