he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
