There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
