I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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