woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
