This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
