I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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