During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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