people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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