Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
