True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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